Sunday, 26 April 2015

And god only knows how I've missed her on the palm of her hand is a blister

While I really want to lie and say everything's fine. It's not.
I didn't get onto the course of my dreams and it hurt. 
It hurt a lot. I cried for a long long time and freaked out and had to come to terms with the fact that I wouldn't be going to the place I've been dreaming about and I wouldn't get to live in London or sit in the library drawing with my headphones in while creative people worked around me as I'd been hoping.

Journal pages from the day after i found out i was turned dow because i was too sad on the day.

But then I moved on. I accepted a place on a course that I am happy to go on, and am going to live in a city that I do want to live in. So maybe I'll have to be the crazy creative one again and sit in a different library drawing. But that's okay. 

drawings to cheer myself up and what i want my fmp exhibition to look like

The main thing is I'm pushing myself. I'm finally leaving home. And even though it has only been an extra year it was still too long. And I'm living somewhere exciting and busy and creative and I'll still be living with creative and exciting people. And I'm not staying in Cardiff, which I realize now would have killed me and I'm not being over dramatic. 

art hoe takes to the road +++ being bored in an art gallery

But I'm moving on and listening to Sinead O'Conner and drawing late into the night, because I'm a hardcore punk bitch amirite? An no nothing does compare 2 u but it doesn't really matter because I might get to live near a harbor and there are so many vintage shops there and I'll finally live somewhere with an American Apparel so lol there goes my budget. 

Vintage markets +++ birkes in blossom

A drink that I didn't expect to be so sassy plus bread w/ flowers???
This bread is prettier than I am


Sunday, 19 April 2015

She uses a Machete to cut through Red Tape

Things I do now

no.1 i don't care about this trivial mess

It was my a level certificate ceremony and I had to head back to my old highschool and sit through a painfully boring talk in the sweaty auditorium about how proud our teachers were of us and have to clap as each person in my year group went up and had their hands shook and paper handed to them. And because it was alphabetical order I was sat with people who I wouldn't usually be sat with was in the front row which I usually avoided like guided tours or 50 shades soundtracks. I was sat in the middle and everyone who went up before me were sat to the left and went up on the left and then there was this big issue with going up onto the right. As though it were actually a risky thing to do and the people next to me were asking and it just made me laugh. And so I was the first one to go up on the right because it was easiest and there's no real thought or discussion needed!!! c'mon people! I think that's when I realised I really don't care about stupid stuff like that, I really have outgrown the weird school mentality they put on us because it bored me so much. 

Any after that IDGAF moment of clarity the day went a lot better, I met up with my gang and we did the classic uni kids at half-term activity of going to the pub at four pm, it was super fun and we sat outside on the benches in the sun, feeling warm and drinking cidre and talking to people who'd come home from uni. We did have plans to go see the circus that was playing in the town over but it we didn't realise we had to leave until half an hour after we should have got the bus there so we stayed chatting and went and got curry and crisps on a drunken stumble through town.


selfie's while wearing a stolen snapback

thanks to kath for getting me at my most double denim + peace sign self

no.2 supporting girls

supper important to remember but easy to forget. I feel like a lot of the time it goes unnoticed but girls have to work super hard, like seriously everything we do we have to work twice as hard for the same, or less recognition. School, uni, jobs, hell even eating and exercising seems to be easier for guys. I don't want to start a whole feminist essay because I'm not really eloquent enough on these topics, it always ends up with lots of !!!!! and weird probably inappropriate slang. 

source - Rookie

no.3 eggsersize 
(because I'm so hilarious and quirky)

I'm not going to lie, I fluctuate between loving and loathing my awkward body. 
Its very much and awkward body, I'm neither big not small, I'm too tall to be considered petite but stocky enough to spend a lot of time rolling up my jeans (seriously h&m which glamazon giant are you making these jeans for???) With my thin legs and chubby thighs and little waist and pokey pot belly, nothing quiet adds up. Honestly I almost said my favourite part of my body was my wrists the other day??? Because of this weirdness about my body I've started to try exercising, Gotta say it's not the most vigorous training routine, more just me lying in my bedroom with my bum in the air but I did go for a run at 7am this morning which had a lot of leaping about to The Vaccines along the pier and taking photos of the sea but I can still feel the 'burn' in my stomach. 

2yr old running shoes I've barely worn + fluffy lacey socks + the leggings I slept in

I love having that peace and calm that comes with getting up early. 
Being able to take photos in the middle of the road = thumbs up.

The sea was crazy far in, which is something you don't really see till night and then you can't see it anyway.

Light rays that poke through clouds remind me of angels looking down from heaven.

magic foil puddle found on the road

no.4 embroidery

looks like i'm gonna be embroidering/some textile-y thing for my final major project in uni so I'm back on an embroidery kick, this also means I really want to embroider a pair of jeans, I just think it would look so cute on the bum/cuffs.

peachy bum 

no.5 worrying

Well it's really come full circle hasn't it? While I don't care about the little things I do worry about the big things. Most specifically the fact that I should hear if I got into my dream uni by Monday by the latest and everyone keeps telling me that there are other options and that I'll go where I should go as though it helps. I'm not trying to be ungrateful but it really doesn't help as dream uni is the one I felt most at home with.


p.s. I'm thinking of starting a penpal thing if anyone would want to start sending letters? I'm thinking of doing it through instagram/tumblr because I don't know how to message safely on blogger.
Internet saftey lol.

Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Does the Ocean inspire?

// Playlist for going on dates to coffee shops with yourself //

Fidlar feat. Kate Nash - Awkward
Grimes - Oblivion
Kate Nash - Later On
Lana Del Rey - Angels Forever 
Mystery Jets feat. Laura Marling - Young Love


Friday, 10 April 2015

Into a thousand million pieces I will shatter if and when she pleases

Hello Goddesses

It's the end of easter break and I've not done a lot, I went up to London to visit a friend and see the Alexander McQueen exhibit at the V&A, which was fab but we weren't allowed to take photo's and I haven't really finished the sketches in my journal. Instead I just wanted to share some of the doodles I did along the way/while I was up there/when I got home

drawing people from instagram and trying to learn osoflower's way of drawing

crappy selfie and watercolour painting of what we saw in shoreditch

Louise Bourgeois exhibit in the Tate

I absolutely love this postcard its total riotgrrrl perfection - it was also riotgrrrl day yesterday so whoop!

a thing about being a female artist

I've been really inspired by Laura Callaghan recently, the bold illustration style is everything.  tried to mix it up a little and tried to make it more self portrait-y - also the song Let Her Go by Mac Demarco has been in my head all day.

truely awful scan of my faverouite Callaghan piece that I can't find the name of but I love intensely

Laura Callaghan

Paul Lee sculpture

I believe in Marshmallow Magic