Sometimes all I need Is the air that I breathe

Recently I've been scared - not scared just nervous to the point of scared - about leaving home, I move away in less than a week and I have spent it panic buying food with my mum, cuddling with my cats, stockpiling books and records I want to take with me and drawing relentlessly in my new journal to avoid thinking about it.

I get the feeling that maybe I've wasted this summer, I should have done exciting things and made memories like all the kids in the movies before they leave for college, but instead I spent most of it curled in my bed watching tv shows and drawing. I really shouldn't feel bad - it's not like its a particularly foreign concept, most teens - especially with society's emphasis on 'the past was amazing! the youth of today are wasting their lives!' -  probably wish they could have bunked off school like Ferris Bueller did or have stood up to there bully or had that special moment at prom. I think movies really screw with your expectations, because even movies that focus on 'finding the beautiful in the mundane' still have the characters doing exciting things - sneaking out after dark, running away with the bad kids, seeing their favourite band live - never does a character just spendn an evening alone watching a film without it seeming like their 'missing out on something great'

It was my friends 20th birthday yesterday (well actually it was her party - today is her b-day) and it was weird celebrating the end of someone's teen years. I turn 20 in a few months and I'm so not ready, I still feel like I missed out on so much as a kid, there's so many supposed 'milestones' I still have to reach that I just want to lie and say I'm eighteen again.

At her party we just chilled and decorated cake's, chatted and laughed and watched The Truman Show, which kind of brought up my thoughts about movies. It's weird to watch the film now, with the easy access to everyone's lives and the mass marketability of everything. It must have been mad to watch back when it first came out, when the idea of reality tv was just beginning and people argued over invasion of privacy.

This has been an unexpectedly somber post but I plan to try and come back with some lighter topics before I leave

xxx

Rosie