I know we're not everlasting We're a train wreck waiting to happen

It's all been pretty crazy recently, I finally got my ucas application sent off and have got asked for interviews/portfolios from all of my choices apart from the one I'm desperate to get in to so its kinda tearing me apart. I'm hoping they're just waiting a little while before they ask me. The thought of portfolios right now is enough to make me stab myself in the eye, I've spent all day trying to get it sorted out, with hundreds of a1 sheets and charcoal and pots of water dangerously close to laptops and wiring. 

It's really overwhelming and I'm feeling a little put out that after four months of art foundation I still don't have any pages I feel would work for a fashion degree, I have to do so much and its killing me, Glasgow's deadline for sending in my portfolio is the 22nd and then Kingston is the 27th so I'm taking a small break until all of that is sorted. 

I also thought I'd show some of my inspirations of the month, because I've been taking refuge in aesthetic blogs at 3 in the morning when it all gets too much. And gossip girl, so much gossip girl.

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Commes Des Garcon

David Hockney

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Kaye Donachie

from tumblr

from tumblr

xxx

Rosie

You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it

Quote by Paulo Coelho

This week has been crazy weird and horrible and stressful and cool and loads of other jumbled up stuff and feelings. I started back at my foundation course on Tuesday, it was weird seeing everyone again and feeling like it had been months since i last saw them, we've gotten into our specialism's now and I was already to show the work I did over Christmas break but our fashion tutor has left and been replaced which was weirder. The new tutor is super nice and focused on getting us where we need to go uni/career wise but its still weird having someone completely new teaching us. The whole week and getting back into the rhythm of 7am starts and hour long train journeys to and from uni and trying to get my head round a new project as well as thinking about portfolio's and applications has my head spinning. UCAS is also giving me grief, I tried to send off my application last night and it was sent back so I've been freaking out about it, I've managed to get it sent off but there's still this fear that its all gone wrong.

Everything has gotten a little too much for me and I've had this weird feeling around me, like I'm submerged by everything. All my dreams feel too real and I wake up and can't distinguish what's real and fake. I was watching 'Her' the other day and I felt myself getting swept up into this weird bizarre world. 

A page from my journal w/ watercolour drawings of how I feel.

More Journal pages ~ I finally finished my big yellow one which means all the sketchbooks I bought at the start of the year are filled and I could justify buying 5 more to fill.

The crazy perfect morning sky.

A lemonade I had while having a farewell lunch for my friend who's going to Australia for 9 months. The drink wasn't that interesting other than branch of mint poking out of the top

My gloomy bedroom with the really blue outside world which made me feel like I was under water.

The struggle of early morning wake ups vs pretty frost morning skies.

Post-ucas blue skinned alien girl selfie, tho seriously my skin matched the sky that day.

xxx
Rosie

Stills from imaginary films

I was looking through some of the self portraits I took and decided a group of them had just the right amount of gloom and atmosphere to be in a indie alternative film. I've allways loved the idea of making film stills out of photos, just look through this dizzy dreamy series by Petra Collins. My project for my photography course was totally a film like series and back when I had a really cringey photography blog I used to make up little stories about the photos but never post them. 

It was looking through Sincerely, Isabella's post and I just love the idea of turning what look like simple intimate moments of friendship into film stills. It just worked really well in my head.

Once I started all of these other ideas fell out so here is film stills from a small collections of imaginary films you could (never) maybe see in an independent theater that serves free range corn on the cobb instead of popcorn or something.

Room No.14

Two young wanders fall into each other's arms and discover love, loss and lots of heartbreak against the backdrop of a dilapidated hotel in 1960's Bohemia.

Little Birds

A young girl tries to cope with the loss of her mother and her fixation on flying.

Suffocating 
4 people,. 4 stories. All close to the edge

Sorry for being all weird.

xxx
Rosie

Self Portraits

The other night, sandwiched in-between two horribly vivid dreams, I woke up thinking about a photography project I could do, just for the fun of it. It wasn't intended to be self portraits, I don't like taking photos of myself, selfies aside, both for the difficulties of having to work with self timer + vanity issues of having to look through ugly photos of myself, but its difficult to pull off a project when you have to try and schedule yourself + model. 

I'm not really sure what the theme is, I was debating with 'luxury goods' as a title, just because I'm wearing my Mamgu's (grandma) faux fur coat but then looking through them it felt more like a modern brunette Rapunzel trying to escape her attic/tower.

I have some more of these before I kicked my cat out of the room where she's like a furry blur round the room.

Inspired by the Belle and Sebastian song She's Loosing It.

There's me trying to be Amy Dune from Gone Girl

Battering down the window

I do have some more that have been edited but I want to do something different with them so they'll be up later

xxx
Rosie

Tomorrow I'll be quicker I'll stare into the strobe light flicker

My last post on the instagram for 2014 was of the sketch books I've filled throughout the year. I'm not sure why I was so emotional but it really made me feel like I've accomplished something last year and it was the first time I looked through them and properly compared them. 

Collages from the piles of interesting papers that have been piled on my bed for ages

Stitching of found photographs and art anger management therapy 

Really crappy pages to try and get the bad drawings out of my systems.

Quite crappy drawing of a Hockney portrait and water colour scribbles of emotions or something deep like that.

A quote I made up about dreamgirls and a drawing from rookie with a badly written explanation of why I still haven't learnt to drive.

Receipts with hairspray and doodle on them and my ticket from when I saw Josie Long in Edinburgh.

Ink splash with white ink over the top which makes a really satisfying sound to draw onto

Drawings of mutuals on instagram, some of them really messed up so I threw a bit of water onto them. Drawing about feeling awkward.

Sketch dump from when I found my favourite pen again and an Egon Sheile watercolour ink sketch.

Weird drawing of a friend and another ink drawing of someone on instagram who was channeling some mad Penny Lane vibez.

Ripped out drawings from my notebook because I got impatient waiting for a page to dry and had stuff to draw.

I've posted this before but I'm still really proud of the waterclour self portrait I did.

Drawings from people watching in town and a prefect example of why I'm not very good at drawing hands. Also a crayon drawing of what I want to be one say, staring out over the skyline and feeling happy.

I hate my dreams sometimes, they always feel too real and long and always open up old wounds, Also another letter from Alyssa which is adorable again

xxx

Rosie